July 13–19, 2026
I went to the hospital this week. The main part of the bone has now healed. The fracture line that used to be visible from the outside is no longer visible. The bone fragment below the main part is also filling in little by little. The doctor said we should do the surgery in September. They said that if the hardware removal surgery is done between 365 and 400 days, there is less risk of fracturing the bone again while removing the hardware, and it can also help prevent the muscles from adhering. I knew this already, but now that the date is getting closer, I feel scared. There is the cost, and more than anything, I have to go through surgery again. The previous surgery process was difficult, so that makes it more frightening. I should have prepared in advance, but I have been living day by day, or month by month, and could not pay much attention to it. Now I really have to prepare.
When your body hurts, you have to pay more attention to it, so it is natural to become less attentive to other things. That can happen. But sometimes other people do not know, or do not understand that kind of situation, and they say hurtful things too easily. Even if someone is sick, or even if they do not show how hard things are on the outside, they may still be going through a difficult situation or fighting their own battle. But people speak too easily without really knowing. That is why we need to be careful with our words, and why we need to be kind.
While developing a new app, I have been referring to Apple sample code, and it turned out to be quite an old project. The early project, which was built with Objective-C, eventually evolved into a SwiftUI app. It felt strange and interesting to see old file formats like .m and .h. In this way, I am slowly developing again, almost like I used to. I strongly felt that I wanted to understand the project I am working on more deeply. Once the new app is complete, I want to prepare my portfolio and study more for whatever next step may come. Of course, there are parts where I use AI to code. But I need to know more myself so I can better understand the code AI writes, or fix the parts that are wrong. I keep using AI with my own limits, so that it remains a tool. I do feel FOMO. Sometimes I think I am falling behind, or that I am not moving fast enough. But I want to hold onto this direction a little longer. It is not that I do not want to use AI at all. I want to use it properly, in a way that fits me.
One day, a friend said they were worried about me and sent me a gift card so I could buy coffee. I teared up a little. I want to have more breathing room soon, so I can buy meals or gifts for the people who take care of me. I just need to hang in there a little longer.